Over the past few days, I've written this post several times in my head. Each time with a different title or slightly different angle. At first, it was going to be about "putting on big girl panties," and well, sucking it up and doing things that I need to do, but don't really feel like doing--like getting up early to get my workouts in, eating my vegetables, keeping track of business expenses, sticking to a budget, putting away laundry and paying bills. That morphed into a treatise on "self care"--eating well, working out, sleeping, writing, oh yeah--and remembering to breathe.
And then, well, life got a bit more complicated. Two very special people in my life went through major crises last week. And suddenly, I grew tired of my own petulance. Bitching about not being able to sleep in anymore just seemed inconsequential and downright childish in comparison to real problems. Nothing like a crisis to bring about clarity. Suddenly, the "shoulds" don't seem like "shoulds" anymore. They are blessings. An opportunity to live and live well. To become a grown-up.
I don't want to hide any more. From the pain and joy and the full range of emotions that come with living an open and honest life. We all use crutches--food, alcohol, sleep, bad relationships and a range of unhealthy things--to cope. To hide. To numb the pain and the hurt and the exhaustion and overwhelm that is life.
If that means up at 6am to get a run in, giving up my afternoon nap, or forgoing that evening cocktail, I'm all in. And I need to know what is real and raw and honest--without distractions or crutches or burying my head in the sand. Please hold me accountable.