The Truth About "Networking" Events

As the majority of my virtual community has descended upon Austin for the annual pilgrimage known as South by Southwest Interactive, I can't help but have pangs of jealousy.  As a total music fanatic that represents a few budding singer-songwriters, I've been interested in the music festival for years.  And now as a total social media junkie, I'm head-over-heels with the idea of meeting some of my favorite virtual "friends" in person.

But wait--what IS the purpose of SXSW and similar conferences, Tweet-ups and events, large and small?  Is it to indulge in self-congratulatory, insider chit-chat?  To become even more insular and more exclusive?  To party 24/7 with several thousand of your closest friends?  Or is to network, to build new relationships and maybe, just maybe, learn something new?

I know that when I attend events like this in Atlanta, I have to be honest with myself about why I'm going.  Because nine times out of ten, I'm dealing with the usual suspects.  All wonderful, amazing, intelligent people, but people I know.  People I already have relationships with.  The insiders.  And there's nothing wrong with having an adult beverage, kicking back and enjoying some great conversation.  But I don't delude myself into thinking I'm networking, giving back, making new friends or building my business.  It is what it is--socializing with friends.

But if we're true ambassadors of social media, of openness and transparency, of building quality relationships or inclusion, shouldn't we be indulging in fewer SXSWs and Tweet-ups and doing more hanging out in local coffee shops, more reaching out to people we don't know, more sharing what we DO know?

And yes, I'm still adding SXSW 2011 to next year's agenda.  But I hope I go into it with open eyes and open arms.

Stop Counting and Start Connecting

1,000.  10,000.  100,000.  1,000,000.

Whatever your magic number is, admit it--you're counting.  We're all playing the numbers game.

When we're not compulsively checking our website hits or our blog comments, we're accumulating Twitter followers, Facebook fans and blog subscribers like notches on our social media bedposts.  Me?  Guilty as charged.

But what if we turned all of that focus outward? 

Started counting how many people we've reached out to, how many blogs we've commented on, how many people we've connected to one another, how many good things we've said about others and their work?

Would the numbers even matter?

Why Less is More

While I've never had the illusion of privacy on social networks, I realized recently that my Facebook page is out of control.  While I do use the term "friend" liberally, I'm not quite sure how my Facebook friend count swelled to more than 1,100 earlier this week.

Okay, maybe I do.  Like my friend Gini wrote in her piece about Social Media Boundaries, I'm nice.  I want people to like me.  I can't say no.  And most of all, I like people, from my childhood best friend to the person I met last week at the coffee shop. And I really believe in the potential of these connections, large and small.  For not only friendship, but partnership, collaboration, mentoring, knowledge.  In fact, many people I only had chance encounters in with life pre-Facebook have become some of my closet friends and most loyal clients.

But I'm reconsidering my Facebook "open door" policy, especially now that I've become more visible in the community.  It's not that I have anything to hide--I like to think people connect with me and hire me because of my personality, so I don't mind talking about how I hate mornings, enjoy my evening wine and get the occasion blues.  But I DO mind friend requests from people I've never met or interacted with, endless invitations to join Mafia Wars or 50 different fan pages and countless status updates about your child's potty training activities.  But most of all, I just want Facebook to be what it used to be for me--a place to engage, to connect, to build lasting relationships with quality people.

So, I defriended about 100 people today.  And it was quite liberating.  And if you made the cut--congrats!

Work, Interrupted

Late one night last week, as I was managing 25 open windows, three Twitter accounts, the neverending stream of email and somehow deluding myself into thinking I was "working," my friend Chris Brogan's latest tweet popped up.  It read something like "we live in an interruption-based society."  Somewhat ironic, given that the tweet itself is the very type of interruption of which he was speaking (but only because I have my TweetDeck set to “interrupt” me with messages like that—essentially, my own damn fault!).  But I’ve been pondering his comment for the past several days.

While those of us in the communications business have a professional obligation to stay connected to the virtual world, I think we are guilty of being more "busy" than truly engaged.  When does our compulsion to multi-task, to be constantly connected, for immediacy and instant gratification just become a fruitless exercise in unfocused activity and excess noise?

I'm currently jotting down this blog on a scrap of magazine paper using a borrowed pen, on a plane en route to Atlanta.  AFTER I finally finished the website copy and company boilerplate I've struggled to write for months.  It seems all I needed was a two hour plane ride with—you guessed it—no interruptions.

So, I’m vowing this week to take control of my schedule.  I’m committed to spending one hour per day without interruptions.  No television, no iPod, no cell phone, no Twitter, no Facebook, no email and no IM.  Just me and the task at hand.  Care to join me?

Are You My Friend?

One of my favorite childhood books is Are You My Mother?  In this endearing tale, a lost little bird wanders around in search of his mother.  He happens upon planes, cows, trains and other random objects, asking plaintively, “are you my mother?”  It’s a really sweet story about finding your tribe, about belonging, and I think it is similar to situations some of us encounter online.  We all want to make friends.  We all want to connect.  Belong.  But to what extent are we building friendships and lasting relationships?  And how much of it is white noise?

I have a tendency to call everyone a “friend,” with no distinction between those I just bonded with about Glee on Twitter and those who knew me the first time leggings were popular.  My husband recently questioned my overuse of this word, saying [insert your social media guru and/or popular blogger of choice here] is NOT your friend.  Which, of course, prompted me to craft a smart-ass DM to one of the aforementioned gurus/bloggers, who replied that he did, in fact, consider us friends.

“But there’s a difference between ‘friends’ and ‘friendly,’” my husband insisted.

And he has a point.  Yes, I’m accessible and witty and occasionally overshare, but the several hundred people I know solely through the magic of the web aren’t all the same category of “friend.”  Only a handful of us have shared deep secrets and belly laughs over a bottle of wine or held each other in moments of grief.  To those special few, I am eternally grateful.

But what does it mean to be authentic--to be real and engaging and sincere--in a space in which public and private are so blurred?  To want people to know those things that make your heart soar (for the record: running, Anne Lamott, Manhattan, naps, wine, amazing food, Don Draper, show tunes and shoes), but without them thinking I’m wasting time (naps, running, the contents of my DVR), money (wine, travel, the shoes) or influence (talking about all of the above instead of super-important industry facts and trends).  What’s the difference between things I endorse and products and people I represent?  How do I use these tools effectively to promote myself and my business?  And do so with personality and grace?  And yes, maybe even find a few friends along the way.

Weary Wednesdays: Sales Fail

So, the last place you want to get hit on by a not-so-savvy salesman is at your daughter's wedding. But that's exactly what happened to my parents last month.

The boyfriend of one the guests--I'll call him Jim Doe--is in real estate, and apparently, found out that my parents are in the market for a retirement home south of the city. Which he and his girlfriend, A, managed to point out repeatedly throughout the night--and the more beers they consumed, the more persistent their ill-timed sales pitch became. I know times are tough, but dude--the parents of the bride at a wedding? Just shake somehands, give your well wishes and enjoy the free booze.

Unfortunately, as people become more desperate for business and increasingly misguided about the proper use of social media, these types of occurrences are becoming the norm. I can't tell you how many times I've followed someone on Twitter, only to promptly "un" follow him or her after receiving a direct message urging me to buy a book or some amazing product/service/website to improve my business--presumptuous much? Why the overt sales pitch when a simple "thanks for the follow" or "looking forward to reading your tweets" would suffice?

The same principle works for face-to-face conversations. I've met some great people out and about--dinner parties, networking events, the gym--and many of these people have become my clients and vice versa. But our client relationship began with a PERSONAL relationship. Whether the initial connection was made through a shared interest, a mutual friend or a similar profession, our relationships began with a common point of connection and genuine desire to get to know one another--not to make a buck. I love connecting with people and then sharing those connections with others--but you won't even make it into my virtual Roladex if you start with a hard sell.

Don't be a sales fail.

Weary Wednesday: Social Media Burnout

I love social media, I really do. I'm pretty lucky that part of my job is keeping up with all of these great tools and technologies. But some days, it can get downright exhausting (and yes, I realize the irony of venting my social media frustrations via a social media tool).

Between Facebook and Twitter, permission-based emails, blogs, client sites, news stories and message boards, it's not uncommon for me to have 20 windows open on my browser at any given time. And one post leads to another, one link leads to ten more, and before I know it, it's 4pm, and I haven't touched my to-do list.

About two weeks ago, I realized that my haphazard approach to social media was probably not the most effective one. So, here are a few of my secrets for avoiding social media burnout:

1. Plan. Designate a specific time of day for social media. I usually spend an hour or so catching up in the morning and another at night, and I read blogs while I'm eating my lunch and snacks (I'm a runner--I eat a LOT!). I usually designate smalls chucks of time to ignore social media (start with an hour--an addict can only go so long without a fix!), and then allow myself another 15-20 minutes to scan my favorite sites before diving back into work again. Which brings me to...
2. Edit. Be selective! Yes, I know, the girl with over 800 Facebook friends is giving advice on editing (do as I say, not as I do!). Don't remember or really like someone? Delete! Annnoyed by too many tweets? Stop following! And while I love my daily SmartBrief on Social Media, there are only so many articles I can read in a day. Sometimes, scanning the headlines is fine. Same rule applies for NPR, the New York Times and yes, even People.
3. Take advantage of technology. I use Google Reader and Blog Roll to keep track of my favorite blogs; de.lici.ous to bookmark my favorite articles (Digg, StumbleUpon and Reddit offer similar services); the "hide" and "block" buttons on Facebook to banish annoying applications and users, and one of these days, I'm going to get around to figuring out TweetDeck. Become a fan of your favorite news outlet or subscribe to a daily email update (two of my favorites are Seth Godin and Mashable), and let them deliver the news to you--no searching necessary! But remember rule #2--be selective.
   
4. Take a break. I generally designate my Saturdays "technology-free" days (with the exception of my Garmin Forerunner 305-necessary for my long runs) and try to stay away from my Blackberry and laptop as much as possible. I also try to shut off the laptop by a certain time every night and veg out with something slightly more old-fashioned--like a magazine or book!
   

While social media is an integral part of my job, I'm trying to keep it from taking over my life. I'd love to hear your tips for avoiding social media burnout!